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WHY THE QUEST FOR LOVE IS DANGEROUS |
1. Most people are unlovable except to a selective few.
Most people, once understood, prove to be unlovable, but are obsessed with being loved in some form by certain individuals, such as parents or kin, or specific categories of society, such as the young or beautiful, the fashionable or in crowd, the formally educated or recognized elites.
Why are they unlovable?
Because the vast majority of people love and demand to be loved on their own terms.
They demand people love them only their way at their time.
Any other acts/expressions of love are rejected or find little or no response of kindness, appreciation or recognition.
Over time, they are discovered to be unlovable/incompatible by those who come to be emotionally or legally bound or involved with them. Only the questioning flexible emotionally mature
person ever breaks free to love more openly reaping love's greater rewards. All must take the greatest care who they "fall in love" with or they will become victims of immature conditional love.
Some, through "the luck of the draw" chance, will find compatiblity regarding terms of love, but these tend to be the minority of couples in the mating game of life.
The answer, if there is one, is to experiment by intoducing new things/terms into the life of your lover that both of you love. This is a hard task, but necessary to most relationships.
2. New food, friends, adventures, Love or relationships begin with hormonal blind romance.
Romantic love is a temporary obsession with someone who resembles our fantasies.
Once the honeymoon phase, or "halo effect" is over and one or both parties lose the dating mask of romantic play needed to seduce or win/own the other, real life becomes real work.
The temporary obsession wanes to be replaced with the
daily necessary grind of getting on with life.
And, you find this new person in your life is trully an unknown new person with a giant list of individual tastes in everything from food ...to money spending....to all the known common, and some uncommon acquired habits in the world of mankind.
Sexual hormones must be in balance most of the time, endured during times of conflict, and fled from if they cannot be coped with.
Sometimes, divorce is the best solution for future
happiness.
Marital hell holds many cowardly fools in denial who think they are moral giants.
3. Heterosexual romance is a temporary truce between two warring tribes.
History or time proves to all that men and women are different. If you have deluded yourself into thinking both sexes are the same or simply that the honeymoon halo effect will work everything out in the end, you are either doomed to your form of hell on earth or a quick trip to a divorce lawyer's office.
Just hormones alone are enough to guarantee from time to time the two of you are going to be different people in many different emotional worlds of your own.
Hate moody people?
Just try to find someone who is not moody when hormones are flairing.
Hormones are the reason that many experts on the human condition consider adolesence to be a stage of mental illness or overwhelming irrationality.
Marry young before those crazy river of hormones have receded to at least a small creek and you will understand what the Marines at Iwo Jima are always ranting about with their post trauma.
Think about this average hormonal effect regarding males: the common male from age 13 till @55 needs to have as much sex as often as he eats and and with whoever is willing to share his meaty meal with him.
Then, expect him to mad when he can't have his Mama or his playboy playmate whenever his whim pops up.
Think he does not do the majority of his think & decision making with his little head?
Then why do all males have a name for his penis?
Because he does not all the decisions made in his life to be made by a stranger.
Sis, I hope for your sake you get it.
Want a lasting relationship?
Give him your best version of the Mama he wants when he wants her, then be flexible enough to give him his teenage dream doll whether you are in the mood or not.
Of course the simple easy way out is to either have the natural love for giving oral sex, or be wise and flexible enough to convice him you would love to "blow the man down" whenever he gives you the slightest hint he needs tension release.
A little further word of advice: never make sex conditional on you getting your way first (or that piece of jewelry) before he gets his way.
He will pick up on this and you will be hated in his heart of hearts for making love conditional.
4. Control your money!
Most couples lose romance totally over lack of sensuous regular sex or over money spending.
The simplest answer is for both of you to agree that when it comes to money, don't act like friends or lovers, but like accountants who want the business to survive.
The first and hard rule, buy what you need before you buy anything you want.
Never allow money to be spent on desires before life's true necessities.
Next, create a savings buffer for the times the unexpected jump up to bite you in the ... rear.
The unknown will always come out of left field to get you.
A good rule is to have 3 months of money saved that will cover all basic necessities if both of you were suddenly jobless.
Of course more is always better.
Never keep your emergencey rainyday money in your common checking account or any checking account.
If you really are smart, start a joint savings account where both of you must sign to get it.
Next, never, never have credit cards.
Debit cards will handle all needs.
Repeat after me, "ONLY FOOLS HAVE CREDIT CARDS!"
Next, don't allow Christmas, holidays, vacations, or birthdays to shipwreak your financial lives.
Wall Street & the big corporations have conditioned Americans to destroy themselves financially so they can make fortunes for their shareholders.
Maybe you grew up in a family conditioned and controlled by capitalist America to keep themselves broke trying tho live beyond their means. Time to grown up and be free ... and demand your spouse and children be free also.
Easier said than done, but do it anyway if you don't want a divorce that will certainly set you back financially or an ongoing marriage with no intimacy, good sex, or friendship.
5. Friendship or Ownership? -and- The one quality in couples that never get divorced.
Is marriage/intimate relationships a 50/50 deal or is it 100% given for both parties?
The truth is the marriage certificate is a legal property document in any court of law & one of the leading causes of legal lawsuits in the world.
Yet, when the romantic heart goes soul-mate searching online or off, it is looking for the fabled condition of living "happily ever after."
On close inspection you will find most families, like most social institutions in America, from the military to the dating couple are ruled by the age old "pecking order" system.
Social scientists have long known and understood that this natural order of government has dominated the animal kingdom from jungle to barnyard.
Just put any herd or flock of animals which have never been put together before into the same closed territory, such as chickens, and soon their will be a "head pecker" rooster who will soon be pecking all the others, but strangely will not be pecked himself.
....And, strangely again, he will have chosen a female, or a harem of females, that no one gets to peck but him, unless they want ther pecking of their lives.
Anyway, everyone in the barnyard seems to understand the rules of order and property.
Man, being the highest order of animals, even if he says he is a practitioner of a democratic system tends to set up this natural animal government wherever he organizes or gathers in groups or 2 or more.
Why is this important in dating
matters and why should you be concerned?
Because, unless you are mature and aware enough to seek the alternative to this natural slave/ownership system, you are bound to find yourself either a dominated/pecked critter, a top pecker who
must fight constantly to keep from becoming whipped by a stronger critter who will then domimate you, OR, the third alternative available only to the wise & most civilized of humankind: A true friend in a kind loving relationship with a true friend.
Friendship is the only alternative to ownership and the only hope for freedom from the slave system institutions of society which begin with the sexual bond of marriage and the subsequent family.
The question that follows is, "How does anyone have a chance at finding true friendship where the natural order of the animal world, including man, is ownership?"
The answer was found in a statistical study done in the 1980s that revealed that, COUPLES WHO HAD BEEN MARRIED 30+ YEARS ANSWERED AFFIRMITIVE TO THE QUESTION : Do you find your spouse irreplaceble?
This means couples who consider each other "irreplaceble" by others do not get a divorce.
How do we know who is going to become irreplaceble to us or find us irreplaceble over time?
Some thoughts to begin with:
First, don't marry/bond with an enslaver who has no consideration for your needs, feelings or desires.
Secondly, compatibility regarding sex and money management must be in sync.
Next, you must forgive all things except the other's attempt to enslave you ... and they must be willing to forgive you likewise.
No forgiveness, no irreplacebility.
Last, enduring romance may lie in a mutual deep sense of humor.
From the beginning encounter to the lover's bed to the death bed, the ability to make each other laugh seems to be the base glue which makes love deep and lasting.
The mystery of how so many ugly or poor people maintain good marriages with beautiful or rich people is that they are not just great lovers, but average or great lovers whose compatibility is to make their lovers laugh deep and often - in and out of bed.
Besides, a great mutual sense of humor is not only necessary to cope with the inevitable times of hardship and suffering, it is the one obvious undeniable cure for boredom.
You can take this to the bank - the loss of one's sense of humor is the first stage of mental illness.
So, in the end, why is love so dangerous? It is capable of damage mentally, legally, property wise, health wise, and can get you killed if you unknowingly marry anyone but a potential wise friend. So, don't marry or move in with anyone until you know them long enough in enough situations to make the risk of marriage a wisely calculated risk.
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DATING TIPS & ADVICE ARTICLES |
By I. Desire' Moore
Atlanta, Georgia
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Writing a Winning Profile
Whether you're just casual dating, looking for a serious relationship, or you're open to both, the purpose of your profile is to make connections that open the door to a dialogue with a possible contact. If your profile is good, you will receive lots of emails begging you to have a conversation....
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Hints for a Great Photo
The #1 way to get noticed on on any dating site is to post a photo to go along with your profile. You will get more than 10 TIMES the responses than a profile that does not contain a photo. People like to have a face to go with the username and profile they have just read. Think of it this way. We are attracted to what we see....
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Safety Tips When Meeting Online
Always set up an email account just for online personals. Yahoo, MSN hotmail, or Google gmail are among the favorites. Remember that you must remain in control of your online experience at all times. If a stranger starts suggesting going directions you are not comfortable with, you are moving out of control, out of the safe zone. You should remain completely anonymous.....
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How To Flirt Online
Flirting over the Internet is complicated. It is not possible to exhibit eye contact or body language in order to get a reaction. Here are some ideas that will lead to flirting online with great success.....
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Safety Tips for Your First Real Date
Dating safety is not a joke and everyone can benefit from reading these easy to follow safety procedures, to ensure your well being on or off a date.
A word to the wise: Make sure at least one other person knows where, when, and who you will be with. This safety feature cannot be understated. Online dating is fun, part of the spirit of the times, and can be very rewarding to those who play strictly by rules of safety...
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Things to Avoid on a Date
By now you know all the things you should do on a date, be polite, be yourself, smile... but it's the things that we shouldn't do that are sometimes overlooked. Avoid these things and increase your chances of getting that second date. Don't talk about past relationships. If you feel that you must, make sure you let them know that you are happy that you have moved on and are not still longing for this person. Never bash your ex.....
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Why the Quest for Love is Dangerous
Most people are unlovable except to a selective few.
Most people, once understood, prove to be unlovable, but are obsessed with being loved in some form by certain individuals, such as parents or kin, or specific categories of society, such as the young or beautiful, the fashionable or in crowd....
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20 Red Flags in Dating Relationships
When starting a new relationship, many women (and men as well) tend to overlook some behaviors in their new partner that do not bode well for the future. Then, down the road, comes the exclamation "If I had only known…". As a Psychotherapist who has worked with mostly women and a few men in the field of Domestic Violence....
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