The Women

• 40-ish = 48
• Adventurer = Has had more partners than you ever will
• Athletic = Flat-chested
• Average looking = Plain
• Beautiful = Pathological liar
• Contagious Smile = Bring your penicillin
• Educated = College dropout
• Emotionally Secure = Medicated
• Feminist = Plus-size man-hater
• Free spirit = Substance user
• Friendship first = Trying to live down reputation
• Fun = Annoying
• Good Listener = Borderline Autistic
• New-Age = All body hair, all the time
• Old-fashioned = Lights out, missionary position only
• Open-minded = Desperate
• Outgoing = Loud
• Passionate = Loud
• Poet = Depressive Schizophrenic
• Redhead = Shops the Clairol section
• Reubenesque = Really Fat
• Romantic = Looks better by candle light
• Weight proportional to height = 7 feet tall
• Wants Soulmate = One step away from stalking
• Widow = Nagged first husband to death

The Men

• 40-ish = 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
• Athletic = Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
• Average looking = Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
• Educated = Will always treat you like an idiot
• Free Spirit = Willing to sleep with your sister
• Friendship first = As long as friendship involves nudity
• Fun = Good with a remote and a six pack
• Good looking = Arrogant bastard
• Honest = Pathological Liar
• Huggable = Overweight, more body hair than a bear
• Likes to cuddle = Insecure, overly dependent
• Mature = Until you get to know him
• Open-minded = Wants to sleep with you AND your sister
• Physically fit = Spends a lot of time in front of a mirror admiring himself
• Poet = Has written on a bathroom stall
• Spiritual = Once went to church with Grandma on Easter Sunday
• Stable = Occasional stalker, but never arrested
• Thoughtful = Says "Please" when demanding a beer

• Book
  Q. What is the thinnest book in the world?
  A. "What Men know about Women."



• Dogs & boyfriends
  Q. How are boyfriends different from dogs?
  A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.